turkeyinacan:

shoutout to people working weekends and overnights and overtime, people working in hospitality and retail and food service, who are sacrificing time with their loved ones, so fuckers with weekday desk jobs get to live comfortably with the amenities we provide while simultaneously shitting all over us for not getting “real jobs”

(via crystallized-teardrops)

jobhaver:

you: that is a nice ass shirt

me: thank you but, to be honest, its called “pants” and not an “ass shirt”

(via sorry)

sorryforpartybarackin:

leave me alone but also give me constant attention

(Source: spermbanker, via distraction)

breakfastburritoe:

Win my heart by buying me many chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs

(via breakfastburritoe)

    me: are there any spirits listening
    ouija: yes are you alone
    me: yes
    ouija: haha nice whats up :P
    me: trying to contact my dead grandmother
    ouija: cool cool so what would u be doing if i was alive right now lol